I Had seen a lot of people waste their time with feeling sorry for themselves, the had been always feel guilty when they did not doing wasting time. Some people were not recognize the things that faced everyday, some people are wasting their time with worthless things.
I'm going to share about what kind of people who are doing wasting time in their life, i am sure that my experience could be help to understanding what we should do to avoid feeling sorry and to rescue from same mistake. So i hope you'll be enjoyed.
SELF-PITY PARTY
We all experience pain and sorrow in life. And although sadness is normal, healthy emotion, dwelling on your sorrow and misfortune is self -destructive. Do you respond positively to any of the points below:
You tend to think your problems are worse than anyone else's.
If it weren't for bad luck, you're pretty sure you'd have none at all.
Problems seem to add for you at much faster rate than anyone else.
You're fairly certain that no one else truly understands how hard your life really is.
You sometimes choose to withdraw from leisure activities and social engagements so you can stay home and think about your problems.
You're more likely to tell people what went wrong during your say rather than what went well.
You often complain about things not being fair.
You struggle to find anything to be grateful for sometimes.
You think that other people are blesses with easier lives
You sometimes wonder if the world is out to get you.
Can you see yourself in some of the examples above? Self pity can consume you until it eventually changes your thoughts and behavior. But you can choose to take control. Even when you can't alter your circumstances, you can alter your attitude.
The next thing is.. WHY WE FEEL SORRY FOR OURSELVES??
If self-pity is do destructive, why do we do it in the first place? And why it is sometimes so easy and even comforting to indulge in a pity party? It is so easy to fall into the self-pity trap. As long as you feel sorry for yourself, you can delay any circumstances that will bring you face to face with your real fears, and you can avoid taking any responsibility for your actions. Feeling sorry for yourself can buy time instead of taking action or moving forward, exaggerating how bad your situations is justifies why you shouldn't do anything to improve it.
People often use self-pity as a way to gain attention. Playing the "poor me" card may result in some kind and gentle words from others at least initially. For people who fear rejection, self-pity can be an indirect way of gaining help by sharing a woe is me tale in hopes it will attract some assistance.
Unfortunately, misery loves company, and sometimes self-pity becomes a bringing right. A conversation can turn into a contest, with the person who has experienced the most trauma earning the badge of victory. Self-pity can also provide a reason to avoid responsibility. Telling your boss how bad your life is may stem from hopes that less will be expected from you.
Sometimes self-pity becomes an act of defiance. Its almost as if we assume that something will change if we dig in our heels and remind the universe that we deserve better. But that's not how the wolrd works, there isn't a higher being or a human being for that matter who will swoop in and make sure we're all dealt a fair hand in life.
But how about...THE PROBLEM WITH FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.
Feeling sorry for yourself is self-destructive. It leads to new problems and can have serious consequences. Indulging in self-pity hinders living a full life in the following ways:
1. Its a waste of time
2. It leads to more negative emotions
3. It can become a self fulfilling prophecy
4. It prevents you from dealing with other emotions.
5. It causes you to overlook the good in your life.
6. It interferes with relationship.
So what do you think? What do you have to do for your goodness? Time to stop now, and do not ever do the same mistake again, because no one can help you to solving the problem but only you can do it, look at surrounding people are looking for good things and of course they do observation everyday to ensure tomorrow is better than today.
STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF
Remember the three-pronged approach to achieving mental strength? To alleviate feelings of self-pity, you need to change your pitiful behavior and forbid yourself from indulging in pitiful thoughts. Our choice to spend the day doing something enjoyable isn't about ignoring our grief or masking our sadness. It's about making a conscious choice to celebrate life's gifts and refusing to behave in a pitiful manner. Instead of pitying ourselves for what we lost, we choose to feel grateful for what we had.
When you notice self-pity creeping into your life, make a conscious to do something contrary to how you feel. You don't have to jump out of a plane to ward off feelings of self-pity. Sometimes, small behavioral changes can make a big difference. Here are some example:
Volunteer to help a worthy cause
Perform a random act of kindness
Do something active
The key to changing your feelings is finding which behaviors will extinguish your feelings of self-pity. Sometimes it's a process of trail and error because the same behavioral change won't work for everyone. If what you're doing now isn't working, try something new. If you never take a step in the right direction, you'll stay right where you are.
Replace thoughts that encourage self-pity
You can view the events that happen in your life in many different ways. If you choose to view circumstances in a way that says " I deserve better" you'll feel self-pity often. If you choose to look for the silver lining, even in a bad situation, you'll experience joy and happiness much more often.
Almost every situation has a silver lining. Ask any kid what the best part about having divorced parents is and most of them will say ' i get more presents at Christmas" Obviously, there isn't much good that arises from divorce, but getting twice as many presents is one small aspect of divorce that some kids rather enjoy. Reframing the way you look at a situation isn't always easy, especially when you're feeling like the host of your own pity party. Asking yourself the following questions can help change your negative thoughts into more realistic thoughts:
What's another way i could view my situations?
What advice I give to a loved one who had this problem?
What evidence do i have that i can get through this?
The more you indulge in thoughts that willfully delude yourself about your situation, the worse you'll feel. Common thoughts that lead to feelings of self-pity include things such as:
I can't handle one more problem.
Good things always happen to everyone else.
Bad things always happen to me.
My life just gets worse all the time.
No one else has to deal with this stuff.
I just can't catch a break
You can choose to catch your negative thoughts before they spiral out of control. Though replacing overly negative thoughts with more realistic ones takes practice and hard work, it's very effective in decreasing feelings of self-pity.
If you think, Bad things always happen to me, create a list of good things that have happened to you as well. Then, replace your original thought with something more realistic like, some had things happen to me, but plenty of good things happen to me as well. This doesn't mean you should turn something negative into an unrealistically positive affirmation. Instead strive to find a realistic way to look at your situation.
Exchange self -pity for gratitude
Look for those little things in life that you can so easily take for granted and work towards increasing your feelings of gratitude. Here are a few simple habits that can help your focus on what you have to be grateful for:
Keep a gratitude journal.
Say what you're grateful for.
Change the channel when you're experiencing self-pity.
Ask others what they're grateful for.
Teach kids to be grateful.
FINALLY....GIVING UP SELF-PITY WILL MAKE YOUR STRANGER
Researchers studied the differences that occur when people focus on their burdens versus focusing on what they're grateful for. Simply acknowledging a few things you feel grateful for each day is a powerful way to create change. In fact, gratitude not only impacts your psychological health, it can also effect your physical health. A 2003 study published in the Journal of personality and Social Psychology found:
People who feel gratitude don't get sick as often as others. They have better immune system and report fewer aches and pains. They have lower blood pleasure and they exercise more often than the general population. They take better care of their health, sleep longer, and even report feeling more refreshed upon waking
Gratitude leads to more positive emotions. People who feel grateful experience more happiness, joy, and pleasure on a daily basis. Then even feel more awake and energetic.
Gratitude improves social lives. Grateful people are more willing to forgive others. They behave in a more out going fashion and feel less lonely and isolated. They are also more likely to help other people and to behave in a generous and compassionate manner.
WHAT'S HELEPFUL
Giving yourself a reality check so you don't exaggerate how bad the situations really is
Replacing overly negative thoughts about your situation with more realistic thoughts
Choosing to actively problem-solve and work on improving your situation
Getting active and behaving in a way that makes you less likely to feel sorry for yourself, even when you don't feel like it
Practicing gratitude every day
WHAT'S NOT HELPFUL
Allowing yourself to believe that your life is worse than most other people's lives
Indulging in exaggeratedly negative thoughts about how difficult your life is
Remaining passive about the situation and focusing only on how you feel, rather than what you can do
Declining to participate in experiences and activities that could help you feel better
Staying focused on what you don't have rather than what yo do have
Credit: My own experience, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
By: Walter Marius
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